The Morning After
by Emily Henson
Summary: Sequel to Truth or Dare. Truth or Dare was a crazy night for the Ducks, how will the morning after be? Just reposted from a couple minutes ago, due to major errors. Please enjoy.
1. Chapter 1

Notes: Yahoo! Emily pulled her head out of her ass and wrote a sequel! And now:

The Morning After

"Hey"

"…"

"Hey"

"…"

"Psst, hey Charlie."

"For the love of God Averman, WHAT DO YOU WANT?!"

"Is it morning yet?"

Charlie rolled over and looked at the digital clock on the VCR. It read 8:30. He dropped his head on his pillow in disbelief. His head hurt really badly.

"No Averman, it is not."

"But the sun is up."

"No it isn't. You're seeing things."

"Really? Am I imagining all of this?"

"Yes. Actually, this is all a dream. Now go back to sleep."

"Okay."

And he did. For about five minutes.

"Wait, how can I go to sleep if this is a dream?"

"I don't know, but if anyone could manage it, you could. Why don't you ask Luis?"

"I can't! He's asleep!"

"…So was I, and that didn't stop you."

"Well, he looks so cute when he's asleep. And I also wanted to tell you that you've been drooling."

The little goon was right, thought Charlie. His pillow was kind of wet on one side.

"Averman, I can't do this right now. I'm exhausted, can't you wake someone else?"

"Nope."

"Why not?"

"Well, only a couple of other people are down here, and Jesse wouldn't wake up," said Averman in a matter-of-fact tone. "Not even when I poked him in the eye."

"What do you mean no one's down here?"

"I mean exactly what I said. No one else is down here. Well, Julie and Portman are, but I didn't want to disturb him. I roomed with his last year; he's big and scary when he's tired."

Once again Averman was right. (This couldn't be a good sign, thought Charlie) With the exception of Jesse on the coffee table, Himself, Averman and Luis on the floor, and Julie and Portman on the couch, the basement was empty. Though Charlie could have sworn everyone else had fallen asleep on the floor, half his teammates were M.I.A.

"What the hell? Where'd everyone go?"

"Home?" suggested Averman.

"Yeah right, only complete fools are up at this time of the morning."

"Haha, you called yourself a fool!"

Charlie just rolled his eyes and walked sleepily up the stairs. After walking through the kitchen he found Adam on the recliner chair and Russ on the couch in the living room.

"Those jerks," he muttered.

Deciding that what he really needed was more sleep, and in order to accomplish that, to get away from Averman. So Charlie walked upstairs to his bedroom. He was not expecting, however, to find Connie, Guy and Fulton all snuggled in his bed. The sight of Fulton half-cuddling Guy would have been funnier if he wasn't so angry about them stealing his bed.

Charlie sighed in resignation and proceeded to his mother's room, hoping to get some shut-eye. Though he probably shouldn't have been, he was surprised to see Goldberg and Dwayne sleeping in Casey's bed. Charlie knew he wouldn't achieve any sleeping there, for Dwayne and Goldberg were snoring in two-part harmony.

Charlie left the room unable to believe the nerve of his friends. This was his house damnit! Where do they get off thinking they could just steal his bed?

Accepting the fact that he would not be getting any more sleep, Charlie went downstairs, retrieved the pan from the basement, and began making himself some bacon and eggs. The aroma of bacon tickled his nostrils and he knew his bed-snatching friends would regret their… err... bed-snatching when they woke up and got a whiff of what was cooking.

Charlie set his plate down on the counter and turned to pour himself some orange juice. When he turned back however, his plate and fork had vanished.

"OH HELL NO! I know someone did not just steal my breakfast!"

"What the hell are you yelling about?" asked Fulton sleepily, rubbing his eyes and coming down the stairs.

"Someone stole my breakfast."

"Were you making breakfast for all of us?"

"Are you kidding? You jerks stole my bed! And every other suitable sleeping space!"

"Hey, I didn't know about the others, I just followed the happy couple upstairs so they wouldn't make babies in your bed."

"Okay, I do appreciate that. You can have some breakfast."

"Sweet."

"Do me a favor and find my first plate."

They didn't have to look very far, Russ sat in the living room eating and watching The Price is Right.

"$1600! For an armoire? I say $1450, tops."

"And what the hell do you think you're doing?" asked Charlie, grabbing the fork.

"Don't you know better then to stand between a black man and his breakfast?"

Charlie considered this, then handed the fork back.

"That's right; now go get me some ketchup boy."

"Don't push it."

"Do I smell eggs?" asked Adam sleepily.

"Not for you buddy."

"Why not?"

"Because I'm not the chef around here."

"Russ got bacon and eggs!"

"Russ STOLE bacon and eggs."

"Please?"

"No, no eggs for you."

"I'll give you ten dollars."

"Would you like some ketchup with that?

"Yes."

"Charlie?"

"What?"

"Where's the peanut butter?"

"Averman, give me ten minutes, I promise I will make you that sandwich."

"You better, or I'll sic Cole on you."

"…right."

"Don't doubt him. He'll find a way to do it."

"Good point. Oh yea, Fulton, please go drag Connie and Guy out of my bed. I don't want them there alone."

"You should probably make Connie a peanut butter and bacon sandwich, she wanted one too."

"What if she doesn't?"

"Then I'll eat hers."

"Fine, just remember, you gave me permission to strangle you."

"Yes, I know. After I've finished eating though."

Minutes later Guy came downstairs with a very grumpy Connie.

"Morning Connie!" said Averman cheerfully.

"Morning Averman," mumbled Connie, taking a seat next to Russ.

"Did you really have to wake her Charlie? She's going to be sick to her stomach now," whispered Guy.

"Okay, you can put her back to bed, but if she pukes on my sheets you are washing them. And don't do anything unnatural in my bed."

"Actually, doing it IS natural-"

"EW!"

"Shut up."

"What? That's gross!"

"You know, I don't know why we are still talking about it."

"That makes two of us."

"You brought it up!!

"Oh shut up and go comfort your girlfriend."

"I'm going."

"There's Advil in the upstairs bathroom cupboard, if she needs it."

"Thanks Charlie."

"No problem."

"Charlie?"

"Hold on Averman."

"Yeah Averman, I paid for my breakfast and I haven't seen it yet."

"It's right here Adam, now quit your whining."

"Hey! This is pretty good!"

"What did I tell you, I'm amazing?"

"CHARLIE!"

"OKAY AVERMAN! Hand me the God damn peanut butter!"

"I was just gonna say there's a fly on your eggs, but here ya go."

Charlie rolled his eyes. Only 45 minutes, one hour tops, and he could wrap his hands around Averman's neck and throttle him. With this thought to pacify him, he made Averman a peanut butter and bacon sandwich.

"Thanks Charlie! Hey, where's Connie's?"

"Connie's puking, she doesn't want a sandwich."

"Oh, well I'll have hers then."

"No, you won't, seeing as how there is no "hers" to be had."

"Please Charliieeeee! I'm REALLY hungry!"

"Yeah? Well I'm feeling murderous."

"I'll make him another one."

"Thank you Luis. I would hug you, but then the little rodent over there would probably think I was making a move, pounce me, and then I would have rabies, or whatever other unnatural disease affects his brain.

"There's nothing wrong with his brain, he's just a little eccentric."

"Yeah, well someone said that about Loretta Bobbit, and look how that turned out."

"Averman would never cut anyone's penis off."

"You don't know that."

"Whatever."

"Someone make me some bacon immediately."

"Good morning Portman, why yes, I did have a lovely sleep. Thank you for asking."

"Yeah yeah yeah, Where's the food?"

"Sorry mate, we're fresh out of bacon."

"What!?"

"Hey, take it up withy the little loony one, the last of it's about to go to a bacon and peanut butter sandwich."

"Ew."

"Yeah, tell me about it."

"Surrender that bacon Averman!"

"NEVER!"

"I mean, bacon dipped in powdered sugar is one thing, but with peanut butter?"

"It's quite good covered in carmel too."

"…"

"God, you guys realty know how to besmirch the good name of bacon."

"Are you joking? Bacon goes with everything. It's basically the flesh of God himself!"

"Yeah, just like how Hooters chicken is the flesh of Jesus Christ and the cheese they give you with the fries are the blood. They are meant to be eaten together."

"Fair enough."

"Chicken and cheese?"

"Ew."

"I'm never eating with you guys again, why are we friends?"

"Hey, you don't know what you're missing. Don't knock it until you've tried it."

"Hypocrite!"

"Excuse me Averman?"

"You've been knocking PBB sandwiches all over the place, and you've never tried one!"

Portman looked thoughtful for a moment, then nodded and said, "Alright, lets give it a go then."

"You can't be serious."

"You should know me by now Babe, I'm a man of my words."

"Her name is Julie, not 'Babe.'"

"Thank you, Adam. And now I'm sure there's going to be vomit coming out of where those words of his usually do."

"Just you wait."

"Hey Portman, you know all that money we bet on you puking last night?"

"Oh yeah! Pay up!"

"Thanks a lot Guy."

"Yeah, why did you remind him?"

"Hold on. Portman, double or nothing says you can't finish that without throwing up."

"Deal," said Portman smiling widely. "You're going to make me a rich man Germaine."

"Yeah Guy, why didn't we have any say in this? These are our wallets you are emptying."

"We'll see."

"Oh yes you will."

Luis handed Portman the PBB sandwich and everyone present watched as Portman took one bite and chewed slowly, a thoughtful expression on his face.

"So, what do you think?" asked Averman.

"Hm, not bad. Not as good as bacon with maple syrup and powdered sugar…"

"That is quite a good combination…"

"…but it would be better with some crunchy peanut butter…"

"…that's what I said too…"

"…and perhaps with some chocolate syrup."

"Wow! Great idea!"

While the rest of the Ducks were dumbstruck by this horrifying recipe exchange between Portman and Averman, Guy was watching the Bash Brother closely for signs of weakness. Sure enough, he began to slow down after the first couple of bites, and showed signs of struggle towards the end.

"Can't hack it Portman?" taunted Guy.

"Shut up Germ-"

But alas, before he could finish he made a mad dash for the bathroom, nearly bowling over Connie on her way to the kitchen.

"Shit Portman you stepped on my foot. What happened to him."

"A PBB sandwich, that's what."

"Nuh-uh! He was enjoying that sandwich!"

"Yeah, now he's enjoying it again," said Goldberg, snickering.

"Gross."

"I knew he would puke. There's nothing in his stomach but whiskey. No way could he keep that down."

A still queasy-looking Portman made his reappearance.

"How ya feelin'?" asked Guy cheerfully.

"Murderous, you're gonna get it next practice Pumpkin."

"Hahaha!"

"Shut up."

"Pumpkin? You told people about that?"

"No, YOU told people about that."

"Oh, whoops."

"You also told us about how Guy's been getting lucky."

"Why didn't you shut me up?"

"I tried!"

"We enjoyed listening to you Connie."

"Come on, I can't have been the only one who embarrassed myself."

"You embarrassed Guy too."

"Shut up Averman."

"No, Luis embarrassed himself much worse."

"I did?"

"Yeah, you willingly put your lips on Averman's."

"Hey! I'll have you know I can be quite the smooth operator."

"I did not need to hear that."

"Yeah, that was an over share."

"Luis made out with Averman?"

"Oh yeah! Guy missed it too."

"Yeah, that was when Connie and Guy were banging on the washing machine, remember?"

"Oh come on guys, I'm a very visual person!"

"We were NOT banging on the washing machine."

"Haha, wouldn't it be fun if the washing machine was running while you were?"

"…"

"Well, now we know what Banksie gets up to on his spare time."

"Haha! Get's "up" to!"

"I do not! I was just making an observation!"

"Haha! It's a pun, get it?"

"We got it Averman, don't worry."

"You don't worry either Adam, we weren't actually questioning your virginity."

"What makes you think I'm a virgin?"

"Because I don't know any better, and I don't want to. I'm already sacred enough from mental images of Connie and Guy."

"Could you please no picture me having sex, it's creepy."

"You think I'm trying to!"

"Well, I'll have you know-"

"No Adam, you don't let us know."

"ANYWAYS, to make a long story short, Luis and Averman pulled a Connie and Guy and disappeared behind the couch."

"Aw, good for you guys."

Luis blushed and took Averman's hand.

"But Luis, won't the ladies be disappointed?"

"What about them?"

"Wow, he's a changed man."

"Well, this may be the real thing," said Luis, smiling. Averman blushed deep red, clashing horribly with his hair.

"Aww!"

"That was SO cute!"

"I feel nauseous."

"That was quite possibly the mushiest thing that has ever been said under this roof."

"Somebody please do something manly."

Just then Julie let out the loudest burp ever, and covered her mouth with shock.

"Dang."

"That was hot."

"Hahaha."

"Not bad actually."

"That's my woman!"

"Excuse me? Woman? Who said I was your woman?"

"_Played him bogus,"_ whispered Russ.

"…aren't you?"

"Not yet."

"What?"

"You asked me on a date, you didn't ask me to be your girlfriend, or "woman" as you so eloquently put it."

"Tricky little wench isn't she?"

"So you're saying that even though we're going out next weekend, I could still hook up with Connie right now if I wanted to?"

"No, you can NOT hook up with Connie EVER."

"Relax Guy it was an example."

"Well it wasn't a very good one," retorted Guy.

"Yes Dean, I suppose you could, but it would hurt your chances if you were to ask me to be your girlfriend."

"Sha-bam!"

"They're not even dating yet and she's already messing with his mind!"

"He'll be worse then Guy in no time."

"Hey, just because the only kiss you've gotten has been from your mother-"

"I have kissed PLENTY of girls Guy."

"Right, like who?"

"Well, Linda…"

"Hahaha!"

"Shut up Averman."

"Hey! That was Fulton!"

"Sorry, "shut up Averman" rolls off the tongue better then "shut up Fulton."

"Hmph."

"Actually, wasn't Adam the last person Charlie kissed?"

"Yeah! Haha! From the last time we played Truth or Dare!"

"Thanks guys, I've been trying to repress that memory."

"Psh, you liked it Charlie."

"Yeah, if Linda is your only other option, Adam probably was your best kiss."

"Woah there."

"Better keep an eye on your "almost woman" there Portman, before she lets Banksie put the moves on her."

"Please, because Banks is a threat to me."

Everyone's jaws dropped at how bogus that was, but Adam had his own back. He walked over to Julie, grabbed her by the waist and kissed her. It was now Portman's jaw dropping and when they parted a breathless Julie said, "He is now."

The End! For now…

(By the way, M.I.A. means "missing in action.")


	2. Chapter 2

Recap: Read the first chapter. ;-)

"Hahaha!"

"Oh man that was awesome."

"Way to go Adam!"

As the rest of the Ducks applauded and Adam took a bow Portman quickly went from shocked to fuming.

"Listen preppy, Julie needs a real man…"

"Pfft"

"What Averman?"

"Hahahahahaha! You're a real man?"

"Alright, he's gonna get it."

"Hey now, leave him alone, he knows not what he says."

"It's true, I don't."

"See?"

"Fine, he lives."

"Yay!"

"For now."

"Uh-oh."

"Okay, I am definitely a real man, my cock it huge."

"Oh my god."

"I take back anytime I said this before, THAT was an over-share."

"I don't think I'll ever recover."

"Whatever Banks mine's bigger."

"I don't believe you."

"Wanna bet?"

"Hey, keep in mind you owe me quite a bit of money."

"Can it Germaine."

"Can we please not discuss the size of anyone's cock?"

"Amen, thank you Ken… Ken!? When did you get here?"

"Just now, your front door is unlocked."

"What?! You mean someone could have come into my house and stolen my innocence?"

"Relax Captain Duck, no one wants your innocence."

"Touché Goldberg."

"Shut up Russ."

"How was San Francisco Ken?"

"It was fun thanks. Okay, one more word about what you were discussing and then the subject is closed."

"And what's that?"

"Mine's bigger then ALL of yours."

"Do you guys often fight over this? Just wondering."

"Are you asking if we often talk about our penises with each other?"

"God no."

"Yeah, it's just to impress you ladies, or any other ladies who might be present at the time."

"I didn't know our opinions mattered."

"Of course they do! Guys want all girls to think that theirs' is the biggest."

"Why is that?"

"So you'll want to have sex with us."

"…"

"Yep, that sounds about right."

"So, is either of you interested?"

"I'm taken."

"What about you Julie?" asked Portman with a big smirk on his face. Julie couldn't resist the opportunity to wipe it right off.

"Sure, are you busy this weekend?"

"I'm always free for you babe."

"That's nice, but I was asking Adam."

"DAMN!"

"Oh man she played you bo-"

"Oh shut up."

"OoooOOOoooh, someone's jealous."

"I'd say so."

"I'm free Saturday Julie," said Adam with a wink.

"Wow, and I thought Portman was smooth with the whole truth or dare gimmick, but Banks has hardly said anything and somehow got Julie to ask him for sex."

"Could you give me some pointers Adam?" asked Fulton jokingly.

"Yeah me too?" asked Charlie not-too-jokingly.

"Um, I was kidding Charlie."

"What? Oh yeah, so was I… ha ha."

"Sure man, sure," said Fulton, raising his eyebrows in disbelief.

"You guys, Julie isn't really going to have sex with Banks, she's kidding."

Julie gave Portman a furious look that everyone else knew meant trouble. This was going to be good, Julie's temper was unrivaled by anyone they knew.

"Oh, and who are you to say what I do with my body?"

"I'm not, I'm just saying… I don't know. I just don't believe you are going to sleep with him. That's all."

"Well I'll videotape it then and send you a copy for proof," snapped Julie.

"She's going to make an amateur porn star out of you Adam."

"That's fine, whatever the lady likes," responded Adam, throwing a wink in Julie's direction and making her blush and grin.

"You can say what you like Julie, but I still don't believe you."

"Okay, fine. Believe what you want, but I am having hot passionate sex with Adam this weekend."

"Well if you do then you'll hurt your chances of dating me."

"Oh yeah? Well what if I don't want to date you anymore, you arrogant pinhead."

"Fine."

"Fine!"

"Good!"

"Good!"

"Sheesh," whispered Fulton, "this is the messiest break-up from an almost relationship that I have ever seen."

"Dude, this is the messiest break-up I've ever seen period."

"Question, am I going to get laid this weekend or not?"

"Tough call man," answered Ken. "On one hand she might just be saying that to make Portman angry-"

"True."

"-but on the other foot she might go for it to make him really angry. Either way she's using you to make him jealous. Or she's done with him completely and wants to release sexual frustration, and in that case she's using you for your body."

"Fine by me."

"How do you know all of this Ken?"

"Four sisters, none of whom know how to keep their voices down."

"Teach me the ways of women Ken," pleaded Charlie. "I'm beginning to feel desperate."

"Dude, you dated Linda. You are WAY past desperate."

"Shut up, she's nice."

"… nice and crazy," muttered Goldberg.

"That's not fair."

"Didn't you meet her because she was bashing hockey?"

"She wasn't bashing hockey, she was trying to get people to sign a petition to change the-"

"Demeaning Warrior name," finished the rest of the team.

"Give it up, she's a nutjob."

"Okay fine, but that doesn't do anything for me now."

"We know."

"I want to hear what Ken has to say, we'll see if he actually knows what he's talking about," said Connie. She really was interested in hearing his theories about girls.

"Well, as far as I know, even though they'll never admit it, sometimes girls love confident borderline egotistical guys."

"Except Julie apparently."

"Well, its not that Julie is an exception, Portman's just an idiot. He wasn't supposed to laugh it off when Julie said she was going to sleep with Adam; he was supposed to get jealous and resolve to win her love."

"Wow, you are good," said Connie, clearly impressed.

"Yeah I actually kind of get it," said Charlie. "You should write a book translating all the mad things girls do so boys can understand them."

"No way, if everyone knew it would take my advantage away."

"Well I still don't understand how Banks got dragged into all of this."

"We went over that already!" answered Ken, exasperated at Dwayne's clueless-ness. "She might use Adam for his body."

"Oh."

"Why can't she take her sexual frustration out on me?"

"Portman did not directly challenge your manhood, the blow will hit better if she gets with someone he didn't consider would be an issue. Fulton would have been ideal in this case but they are best friends and she knew Fulton would never do that. Oh, and she's also pissed that he acted like he had her in the bag; she doesn't want to look like an easy catch. That one comment, 'I'm always free for you babe' might have worked if he had tried it when she wasn't already so mad at him."

"That's true," added Connie.

"You're amazing Ken," said Charlie reverently.

"I'm taken Conway," replied Ken.

"Har har."

"Where are Julie and Portman?"

"In Charlie's living room, still bickering."

"I foresee them having angry, violent hate sex."

"Hey, not cool, I'm supposed to be the one getting laid next weekend."

"You're not the only one," commented Goldberg, while trying to subside his laughing. "Guy is probably going to get laid too… Ow! That hurt woman!"

"Haha, you got knocked out by a girl!"

"They don't call me the Velvet Hammer for nothing!"

"Who calls you that? It sounds like a porn star name," teased Goldberg.

"It's on now!" Connie made a lunge for Goldberg but Guy wrapped his arms around her waist before she could get him.

"One more comment Goldie and I'll let her pound you."

"Relax! It's all in good fun! I know Averman used to call her that when she was bigger then the rest of us and really could knock everyone over on the ice!"

Their exchange was broken by Julie yelling from the next room. "You… you… YOU BIG IDIOT!"

"Man, I am never listening to Portman again, I have never seen someone screw himself over so badly."

"Except when Luis was under the table looking up the cheerleaders' skirts, and then stole Mindy from Riley."

"That was a mistake, I don't care about Riley, but Mindy encouraged me to be gay."

"Hahaha!"

"What, was she bad in bed?" joked Russ.

"No, she was good-"

"I didn't really want to know, but that's nice."

"- but in every other aspect she was really irritating."

"I can see that."

"Wait," interrupted Goldberg, "You don't like really irritating people yet you hooked up with Averman last night? How does that make sense?"

"Hey! I resent that!"

"Quiet you guys! Ken's teaching me how to get with the ladies! Actually, I should probably ask Guy too."

"Why Guy?"

"Because he wore that stupid green hat for about 12 years and still managed to hold on to Connie."

"Hey, I will have you know that that happens to be my favorite hat. If I knew where it was I would still wear it." Connie suddenly looked guilty but lucky for her Guy didn't notice.

"Okay Charlie, as interesting as your love life is…" said Portman re-emerging from the living room behind an indignant looking Julie.

"Not," snickered Averman.

"Hey!"

"… it doesn't solve the biggest problem."

"And what is that?"

"I haven't had any breakfast yet!"

"Portman, you just threw up."

"Yes, and now my stomach is empty."

"Well too bad, there is no breakfast left."

"Then go and find some for me."

"It is not my job to feed you."

"It is everybody's job to feed me when I wish to be fed."

"Oh shut your mouth," said Julie, rolling her eyes at him.

"You gave up your right to bully me when you picked Banks, unless you take it back, then you can whip me if I misbehave."

"Oh no mister, you lost your chance because of your big mouth, I'm still hooking up with Adam this weekend."

"You are not."

"YES I AM!"

"Not this again," said Guy as Adam made a victory gesture, and kissed Julie's hand. Julie smiled at him and Portman's temper snapped. He punched Adam right in the jaw, knocking him to the ground and taking them both down.

I wasn't actually planning on leaving it there, I have some more written out but I got tired of typing. I'll update soon. Cheers! And review please. I'm not going to demand a certain amount before I update because it's really lame when people do that but I would like to hear from anyone who reads my stuff. And thank you for reading!

The quote "You should write a book translating all the mad things girls do so boys can understand on is from a Harry Potter book. It's either the Goblet of Fire or the Order of the Phoenix. I'm pretty sure it's the fifth one though.


	3. Chapter 3

"What the hell is wrong with you

"What the hell is wrong with you?"

"You CAN'T pick Adam Julie!"

"Oh, and now you think I'll pick you? I would never want to date anyone who would punch their friend! What if you had missed and hit me?!"

"I'd beat the shit out of him," replied the rest of the team in unison.

"Wow, thanks guys. Can someone get me some ice for Adam's face?"

"I'll be fine Julie," insisted Adam.

"Oh my god it's swelling," said Connie, bending down for a better look. "Christ, he really got you," she frowned and gave him a peck on the cheek before glaring at Portman and saying. "God, you are such a jerk!"

"God damn, would you look at that, now he's got both of them making bedroom eyes at him!" snickered Goldberg.

"Shut up."

"She's not making bedroom eyes at me you idiot."

"I love Guy you moron! A friendly peck on Adam's cheek doesn't mean anything more then a friendly kiss on the cheek!"

"Yeah, it doesn't matter to me."

"Sounds like Adam has Guy's approval to bang Connie."

"Somebody smack Goldberg."

"Ow! Jesus Guy, control your woman- AH! Uncalled for!"

"Totally called for!"

Julie returned with ice for Adam then, and stood in front of Portman with a furious look that would make a grown man cry.

"You are such a dick!"

"I'm fighting for your love! How does that makes me a dick?"

"My love? You expect to win my love by socking Adam in the jaw?"

"You've been taunting me all morning with comments about screwing him, how do you think that made me feel?"

"Well then you should have hit me instead."

"I don't hit girls."

"Well at first I was trying to make you jealous but now that this happened I don't think I could date someone who resorts to violence to solve his problems!" she yelled. Then, with a smirk, finished with, "His jaw better be okay by next weekend so he can kiss me while we're do-"

"Okay, I am DONE hearing about my teammates having sex."

"Seriously; Connie, Guy Luis, Adam, Julie…" Dwayne trailed off with a shudder. "I don't think I'll ever recover."

"Well then I guess you don't want to hear about me and Guy's mom," said Fulton casually.

"Are you joking?" asked Jesse. "I'd love to hear about it!"

"Ugh, leave my mom alone."

"We're not doing anything to her!"

"… yet."

Everyone accept Guy, who looked pissed, and Portman, who looked confused, started laughing.

"Dude, it's not our fault your mom is so hot."

"I swear to God, the next time one of you hits on my mom I will hurt you."

"Hey, I don't hit on your mom, she's a classy lady. I'm courting her, it's an art."

"Well stop it then!"

"Sorry, can't. My feelings are real. Don't worry, I'll never hurt her, and I'll be a good daddy to you."

Guy lunged at Fulton but Charlie and Russ held him back while everyone was cracking up again.

"Wait a minute. A, why all the talk about Guy's mom? And B, Why is Guy allowed to punch Fulton-"

"He didn't"

"Not for lack of trying," grumbled Guy.

"See? But I'm not allowed to hit Adam?"

"Well," began Charlie. "Have you ever seen Guy's mom?"

"No."

"Oh man, you are missing out, she is SO FINE."

"Really?"

"Yeah dude, she's young, beautiful and has a perfect body."

"You will have to murder Fulton to get to her, he has the fattest crush on her, and he is her favorite of Guy's friends."

"That's because he flirts with her ALL THE TIME!"

"She loves it."

"How old is she?"

"Thirty," answered Goldberg promptly.

"She's thirty-four," corrected Guy.

"She looks like she's twenty-five."

"AND she's single."

"No, me and her are together, we're just keeping it quiet because she wasn't sure how Guy would take the news."

"I'm going to be sick."

"Okay, but what about B?"

"If Fulton was talking about banging your mom wouldn't you want to hit him?"

Portman pondered this for a moment and then decided that was a yes, and nodded in agreement. "Fair enough."

"I would NEVER bang Portman's mom, my heart belongs to Erin Germaine."

"I'm going to kick your ass."

"Let me see your jaw again Adam," said Julie, turning away from the conversation about Guy's mom. He moved the ice and she lightly grazed her fingers over his jaw.

"It's fine Julie, seriously. No worries, it will be healed up by next weekend," he replied with a big comedy wink.

"I'M HUNGRY!" yelled Portman suddenly, he had heard what Adam and Julie were saying and was changing the subject to keep his temper in check.

"Okay, if you go to the grocery store and buy some bacon I will make it for you as long as you promise to SHUT UP!" yelled Charlie in response… everyone was really starting to get on his nerves.

"Alright!" said Portman in jubilation. He grabbed Ken's keys and ran out the door with Ken closely following, unwilling to let Portman drive his car.

"Julie, are you really going to sleep with Adam?"

"No, we're just kidding around. It's just fun to piss Portman off."

"Nice, haha."

When Dean Portman returned with the bacon (several pounds by the looks of it) he shocked everyone by sincerely apologizing to Adam, which earned him a smile from Julie. Adam forgave him while Russ gawked at him with an incredulous look on his face. Shortly after breakfast (and after Charlie prevented Fulton, Russ, and Jesse from sneaking out without helping) the Ducks cleaned up Charlie's house and said their goodbyes. For a bizarre reason unknown to Charlie Averman grasped him in one of those awkward man-hugs and kissed him on the forehead before leaving with an "Arrivederci." Charlie blinked, frozen in shock, and looked at Luis who shrugged as if to say 'Who knows,' and left with a "See you later Charlie," and a pat on the back, which Charlie much preferred. He wasn't homophobic or anything, just more confused then he had ever been in his entire life. After a minute he sighed in resignation and went to his room to catch up on some greatly needed shut eye.

The End … but of course I already have almost two chapters of the sequel written. Review please! And look out for the sequel, coming soon.


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